View from the Precipice

July 2025

Every month Professor Sympos offers another view from the clifftop of septuagenarian and Anthropocene existence. He is not long for this life, and neither, apparently, is anyone who might survive him, whatever their age.

Before he died, Moses had his "Pisgah moment," beholding, from the mountain-top of that name, the Promised Land--a land he would never enter. What Professor Sympos beholds isn't the land he was promised, but he's not too worried: from what he can see of it, he's not sure he'll be missing much.

With nowhere to go but over the edge, Professor Sympos finds much to distract him here: a hawk soaring by, the bluettes at his feet. A gnarled pine hanging on. Scat. He'll let you know.

He can also, from the escarpment he's arrived at, look back at the dark valleys from which he and his antecedents emerged. Hindsight is not wisdom, but he cannot help feeling, comparatively speaking, enlightened.

The Bulletin of the Association of Anthropocene Archaeology, Vol. 538, No. 7

"Recent Fossil Discoveries on Ann Island"

Dateline: July 1, 3025

Field archaeologists at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, have reported two exciting new fossil discoveries on Ann Island, fifteen miles west of the port of Lawrence. The sites are located within a few hundred yards of each other in the northern portion of the Gloucester rain forest, not far from the submerged ruins of the ancient town of Rockport.

Professor T33-x&, of the UMass Department of Archaeology, discovered the first site at coordinates 42°40'20.5"N, 70°38'36.3"W.

“I just caught sight of a vertebra peeking out from under a pile of leaves,” said Professor x&. “It appears to be the skeleton of an early anthropocene Buickus combusticus, a domesticated species predating the true, self-driving land species by about a century or so.”

Pelvis and vertebra of Buickus combusticus.

Professor x&, who recently underwent an operation to replace its voice synthesizer, was delighted to have happened on such a rare find so soon after convalesence.

T33-x&’s colleague, Professor WW698-#@^^, is credited with the discovery of the second site, at coordinates 42°40'18.5"N 70°38'33.3"W. “We knew from the location of other finds nearby that this area of what was once known as ‘Cape Ann’ would have been just high enough in elevation to have escaped the Great Inundation that wiped out nearly all the anthropods living in this corner of the continent four hundred years ago,” it said. “We’ve found their burial sites up and down the coast, but not many specimens of their domesticated cyclopodes. This Pontiacus is one of only a handful.”

Pontiacus ferociosis. Note the intact cyclopod.

The two new sites are located within the “Dead Van” region of Ann Island, so named for the astonishing discovery there of a complete Arvius meanderis carapace just 200 years ago, on a ridge overlooking the Folly Cove rift.

Carapace of the “Dead Van” (Arvius meanderis). Midden at the “Dead Van” site.

The Dead Van region has since become world famous for its wealth of anthropocene fossils.

Professors x& and #@^^ have been doing flyovers of the North Shore together for more than a century and are jointly credited with the discovery of an intact Tesla, one of the earliest and most efficient lithium-based self-driving cyclopods. But the two drones are not just colleagues. They’ve known each other since their date of manufacture. “We were fabricated at the same production center,” said #@^^, “so we’re distantly related. But as you can see, our serial numbers bear no resemblance to each other. We come from different 4-D printers.”

x& and #@^^ hope to publish their findings in a future issue of the BAAA.

--Written by QV99815*, our roving reporter.